# Just Joking Around: Fake Positions



## starmaster1000 (Sep 4, 2018)

Sometimes I feel that my store disproportionately focuses on something or completely ignores another to the point I think they need someone in charge of that one thing. So I'm making up my own positions for Store T-1040. I'll start.

EDIT: Picked 1040 as a joke bc we joke about it. Yes it's a real store. It's assumed I'm not really talking about 1040. It's just a dream. 🙄


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## starmaster1000 (Sep 4, 2018)

ETL-Carts

Someone fucking get some carts in here. Who scheduled the cart attendant to come in on a Saturday at NOON?
Stupid ETL-Carts


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## starmaster1000 (Sep 4, 2018)

REDCard Team Lead

Stop asking me how many I've signed up. No one wants this. It's plastered all over the store. Trust me, those who want to save 5% will sign up. Leave me alone, RCTL.


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## SL101 (Sep 4, 2018)

Reshop TL 

Ya know, for when guest service calls for HL to come get reshop ... And we don't have any HL's coverage. RSTL to the rescue!


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## Badjedidude (Sep 4, 2018)

ETL-Lunch

That one ETL that goes around asking every other ETL and/or TL what they want for lunch, then either orders it or drives off to get it and bring it back. Then they take everyone to the conference room to eat.


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## oath2order (Sep 4, 2018)

Badjedidude said:


> ETL-Lunch
> 
> That one ETL that goes around asking every other ETL and/or TL what they want for lunch, then either orders it or drives off to get it and bring it back. Then they take everyone to the conference room to eat.



They said fake positions. This one exists.


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## PackAndCry (Sep 4, 2018)

ETL-Equipment Room

Presses the button for TMs to get equipment. Higher volume stores have it split into ETL-Zebra and ETL-Walkie.


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## Fluttervale (Sep 4, 2018)

PackAndCry said:


> ETL-Equipment Room
> 
> Presses the button for TMs to get equipment. Higher volume stores have it split into ETL-Zebra and ETL-Walkie.



Also makes sure that only 20% of the equipment is charged at any given time.  Refuses to order more walkies until only 5 remain.


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## NKG (Sep 4, 2018)

starmaster1000 said:


> Sometimes I feel that my store disproportionately focuses on something or completely ignores another to the point I think they need someone in charge of that one thing. So I'm making up my own positions for Store T-1040. I'll start.



Store 1040 is an actual store located in Vista, CA. If you go back and look how the jokes originated it was based off a TBR poster that claimed this store was full of osha violations. While we do occasionally make jokes about it let's remember that it's an actual store with actual TMS.


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## sprinklesontop (Sep 4, 2018)

Funko-Pop TL.


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## starmaster1000 (Sep 4, 2018)

NKG said:


> Store 1040 is an actual store located in Vista, CA. If you go back and look how the jokes originated it was based off a TBR poster that claimed this store was full of osha violations. While we do occasionally make jokes about it let's remember that it's an actual store with actual TMS.


Yes, the magic store where nothing goes wrong. Or everything does. No in-between.


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## TM2 (Sep 4, 2018)

sprinklesontop said:


> Funko-Pop TL.


Their job is to requisition all the rare ones as they come in, and sell them on eBay for greater profit.


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## redeye58 (Sep 4, 2018)

Starbucks - ETL
Oh....wait.....that's another one that DOES exist.


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## TTB (Sep 4, 2018)

Waste Management Advocate: raising awareness to our guests that there ARE hidden trash receptacles throughout the store and main job is to follow guests from starbucks discreetly to keep our aisles...trash and litter (empty f-ing starbucks cups ) free..bonus for any plastic straws. (Helping the environment)


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## Targetron (Sep 4, 2018)

Computer and Device Technician


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## Kartman (Sep 4, 2018)

Cart Pusher Technician. Recycle Bin Expert. Bale Formation ETL.


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## qmosqueen (Sep 4, 2018)

Compactor Operator - Tosses shit in without care.  Mostly consumables and expired and moldy produce.
All the defectives from guest services and lots of liquids and chemicals.


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## Kartman (Sep 4, 2018)

The BFETL would be in charge of the CO.


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## can't touch this (Sep 4, 2018)

Badjedidude said:


> ETL-Lunch
> 
> That one ETL that goes around asking every other ETL and/or TL what they want for lunch, then either orders it or drives off to get it and bring it back. Then they take everyone to the conference room to eat.





oath2order said:


> They said fake positions. This one exists.


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## commiecorvus (Sep 4, 2018)

ETL Logic - This is the person assigned to taking the most moronic instructions from Spot and figuring out how to actually make them work for real human beings without crushing their souls.
The turnover rate would be staggering.


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## can't touch this (Sep 4, 2018)

ETL-Globetrotter

Travels all around the world to scope out the most exotic vacation spots, and has 150,000 pics on their Instagram taken in places that cost half of a team member’s annual salary in airfare alone

...fuck that one is real too. ETL-GE is in Straya at this very moment taking selfies next to Ayers Rock. Cheers, ya cunt!


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## Billybobjoe (Sep 4, 2018)

ETL-clerical

Checks email, prints out the grid and watches team members clock in and out.


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## NeoDarikona (Sep 4, 2018)

Break TM - Sole purpose is to cover breaks for single or multiple departments depending on store volume. Minimally trained in every department to at least not be a danger to guests or cause damage.


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## Yetive (Sep 4, 2018)

can't touch this said:


> ETL-Globetrotter
> 
> Travels all around the world to scope out the most exotic vacation spots, and has 150,000 pics on their Instagram taken in places that cost half of a team member’s annual salary in airfare alone
> 
> ...fuck that one is real too. ETL-GE is in Straya at this very moment taking selfies next to Ayers Rock. Cheers, ya cunt!



I want to be Travel ETL


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## Switch23 (Sep 4, 2018)

Guest Liaison: Takes in bullshit that guests say and translates it to speakable english for us team members.


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## starmaster1000 (Sep 4, 2018)

Switch23 said:


> Guest Liaison: Takes in bullshit that guests say and translates it to speakable english for us team members.


I need one of those at GS, permanently.


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## SigningLady (Sep 4, 2018)

Fixture Room ETL or TL: sits in the locked fixture room all day and hands out any and all needed fixtures to keep the room organized, clean, and safe. Also prints labels on the computer for team members so the printer does not jam or break and paper is not wasted.

Shipper TL: responsible for setting/placing ALL incoming shippers onto the sales floors as soon as they arrive. Eliminates empty shippers in a timely manner.


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## Tessa120 (Sep 4, 2018)

Hanger Fetcher TM - makes sure the fitting room is stocked with hangers but not so overstocked that 3 hangers fall when you grab 1 because they are so tightly crammed together, and makes sure that there's neither too much nor too little of each size.  During down time sorts out all the size tabs into individual labeled containers.

Mom TL - Pulls you aside for a warm brownie and a glass of milk when the crazy expectations and crazy guests push you close to your breaking point.  *EOE - The job is not gender specific; applicants of all genders and nongender will be equally considered for the position.


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## redeye58 (Sep 4, 2018)

Tessa120 said:


> Mom TL - Pulls you aside for a warm brownie and a glass of milk when the crazy expectations and crazy guests push you close to your breaking point. *EOE - The job is not gender specific; applicants of all genders and nongender will be equally considered for the position.


We actually have one at our store


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## can't touch this (Sep 4, 2018)

CTT-HR: only hires cute boys ages 18-25 with "open availability" (if you know what I mean)

( ͡◉ ͜ʖ ͡◉)


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## Tessa120 (Sep 4, 2018)

redeye58 said:


> We actually have one at our store


But can the Mom TM do all that while you are on the clock and it's okay?


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## redeye58 (Sep 4, 2018)

Not with leadership's knowledge but she has ways


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## SL101 (Sep 4, 2018)

SigningLady said:


> Shipper TL: responsible for setting/placing ALL incoming shippers onto the sales floors as soon as they arrive. Eliminates empty shippers in a timely manner.



You mean it's not best practice to set them in the steel and forget about them? 🙄


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## IWishIKnew (Sep 4, 2018)

ETL-WIFI Hotspot. Someone who wanders around carrying a Wifi hotspot so devices might actually work while out on the sales floor.

ETL-TMSC. Sole job is to help TMs who need assistance at the time clock or need to get into their lockers.


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## PackAndCry (Sep 4, 2018)

ETL-Indyme. Clears all the call button but does NOT help the guests.


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## Black Sheep 214 (Sep 4, 2018)

redeye58 said:


> Not with leadership's knowledge but she has ways


She would have to in order to do anything kind for the team without having her soul immediately crushed by upper management.🙄 Good luck to her!🍀


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## vendordontmesswithme (Sep 4, 2018)

Directional Leader the ability to direct traffic in the backroom when there is no room to walk let alone push uboats, flats, pipo pallets, vendor deliveries and  pallets full of transitions.  
 Removing the bale pallet that may or may not get through the aisle.


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## qmosqueen (Sep 4, 2018)

Trash collector— goes around the store and gathers up the cups and trash left on the shelves.  this is a 2 person 40 hours a week position.


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## Sarakiel (Sep 4, 2018)

Old picture from a pilot store years ago...

So, does this exactly qualify as a position?

(And yes, when I walked by the walkie was turned on channel 1.)


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## Billybobjoe (Sep 4, 2018)

ETL-Hardass 

This ETLs job is to motivate the team through fear and discipline. Constant put downs are a must. Strong vocal cords required.


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## Amanda Cantwell (Sep 4, 2018)

ETL Guest. Does so little they might as well be a guest.

Oh wait you said fake ones ...


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## Black Sheep 214 (Sep 4, 2018)

Amanda Cantwell said:


> ETL Guest. Does so little they might as well be a guest.
> 
> Oh wait you said fake ones ...



I know where you could find the prototype...🙄😂


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## SigningLady (Sep 4, 2018)

SL101 said:


> You mean it's not best practice to set them in the steel and forget about them? 🙄



It would appear that way most of the time. Ours have actually been located this week! Sure beats the one we had in the steel for almost an entire year.


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## gsa4lyfe (Sep 4, 2018)

SL101 said:


> You mean it's not best practice to set them in the steel and forget about them? 🙄


At least they’re backstocked.... it’s like a hide and seek game at my store... okay you have 15 seasonal shippers setting this week and one is located good luck


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## redeye58 (Sep 4, 2018)

Billybobjoe said:


> ETL-Hardass
> This ETLs job is to motivate the team through fear and discipline. Constant put downs are a must. Strong vocal cords required.


Already have one at my store.


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## calimero (Sep 4, 2018)

The Etl child tantrum prevention : gives muzzle and straight jacket for the brats that enters the store !!!


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## redeye58 (Sep 4, 2018)

Thought that's what the cardboard cage was being re-purposed for.


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## SL101 (Sep 4, 2018)

gsa4lyfe said:


> At least they’re backstocked.... it’s like a hide and seek game at my store... okay you have 15 seasonal shippers setting this week and one is located good luck



I never said they were in location up there 😂. Our store has a really bad habit of tying things but not actually setting them....


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## Kartman (Sep 4, 2018)

BEETL - Break Enforcement ETL. They sit in the breakroom and time all TM's breaks.


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## SigningLady (Sep 4, 2018)

SL101 said:


> I never said they were in location up there 😂. Our store has a really bad habit of tying things but not actually setting them....



We used to be like that. But then being green for the TWT metrics stopped being such a hot button and now stuff just hangs out in the steel until I investigate & pester to do something proactive with it.


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## gsa4lyfe (Sep 4, 2018)

SL101 said:


> I never said they were in location up there 😂. Our store has a really bad habit of tying things but not actually setting them....


Welcome to sidecaps and shippers 101


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## RunForACallBox (Sep 4, 2018)

Targetron said:


> Computer and Device Technician


Literally me already.


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## Dog (Sep 4, 2018)

NeoDarikona said:


> Break TM - Sole purpose is to cover breaks for single or multiple departments depending on store volume. Minimally trained in every department to at least not be a danger to guests or cause damage.


(Covers Starbucks, food ave, SCO, cashier, guest service, and flex (OPU) breaks in one shift) yeah this is fake


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## Flow Warrior (Sep 5, 2018)

NKG said:


> Store 1040 is an actual store located in Vista, CA. If you go back and look how the jokes originated it was based off a TBR poster that claimed this store was full of osha violations. While we do occasionally make jokes about it let's remember that it's an actual store with actual TMS.


Yes, and weren't they the one that pissed of John Barrowman. If so then there you go.


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## Flow Warrior (Sep 5, 2018)

starmaster1000 said:


> Yes, the magic store where nothing goes wrong. Or everything does. No in-between.


Usually at the same time.


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## oath2order (Sep 5, 2018)

Fluttervale said:


> Also makes sure that only 20% of the equipment is charged at any given time.  Refuses to order more walkies until only 5 remain.



My equipment room is a nightmare of cable management.


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## Yetive (Sep 5, 2018)

Flow Warrior said:


> Yes, and weren't they the one that pissed of John Barrowman. If so then there you go.


Nope, they just pissed off @gilligan.


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## Hardlinesmaster (Sep 5, 2018)

Etl of cat litter. Don't mess with my shit...


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## Fluttervale (Sep 5, 2018)

oath2order said:


> My equipment room is a nightmare of cable management.


I set ours up myself so ours is decent.  Not great, because no cable ties, but not a hot mess either.


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## starmaster1000 (Sep 5, 2018)

Flow Warrior said:


> Yes, and weren't they the one that pissed of John Barrowman. If so then there you go.


I think that's T-1884.


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## starmaster1000 (Sep 5, 2018)

I don't think someone is too happy that we use T-1040.


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## can't touch this (Sep 5, 2018)

1040 is the _only_ real store, all others are fictional


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## commiecorvus (Sep 6, 2018)

can't touch this said:


> 1040 is the _only_ real store, all others are fictional




Written by Charles Dickens;

Child as he was, he was desperate with hunger, and reckless with misery.* 
can't touch this* rose from the break room table; and advancing to the STL, said: somewhat alarmed at his own temerity:

'Please, sir, I want some more hours.'


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## Flow Warrior (Sep 6, 2018)

can't touch this said:


> 1040 is the _only_ real store, all others are fictional


I wish my store was fictional. Then I could eliminate a few characters,.


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## Flow Warrior (Sep 6, 2018)

commiecorvus said:


> From Dickens novels.
> 
> Child as he was, he was desperate with hunger, and reckless with misery.*
> can't touch this* rose from the break room table; and advancing to the STL, said: somewhat alarmed at his own temerity:
> ...


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## Tessa120 (Sep 6, 2018)

can't touch this said:


> 1040 is the _only_ real store, all others are fictional


I'm slightly embarrassed because I thought 1040 was the store number for that empty store corporate uses for testing ideas.


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## NPC (Sep 6, 2018)

1040 still has an overnight team.


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## BigEyedPhish (Sep 6, 2018)

Every year T-1040, gets to choose one (at least) lucky Target work center, that it personally gets to throw into the sun.


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## starmaster1000 (Sep 9, 2018)

BigEyedPhish said:


> Every year T-1040, gets to choose one (at least) lucky Target work center, that it personally gets to throw into the sun.


HR. They don't need them, no OSHA violations there. They're the perfect store.


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## Switch23 (Sep 9, 2018)

I heard that HQ is actually located in T1040


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## Luck (Sep 11, 2018)

ETL - Checklane Backup Manager
Spends entire day standing in front of checklanes calling other work centers to come for a quick backup rather than just being on a check lane themself. Key job role also includes calling over the walky to ignore the automated cashier backup request when a cashier presses the button. And then 2 minutes later calling an all available.


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## TheDailyLoader (Sep 11, 2018)

SL101 said:


> Reshop TL
> 
> Ya know, for when guest service calls for HL to come get reshop ... And we don't have any HL's coverage. RSTL to the rescue!


Here where I'm at it's more "softliiines, you had reshop at guest seeeerviiiiis" every 10 fucking minutes


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## TheDailyLoader (Sep 11, 2018)

qmosqueen said:


> Compactor Operator - Tosses shit in without care.  Mostly consumables and expired and moldy produce.
> All the defectives from guest services and lots of liquids and chemicals.


That's multiple violations 😂 against both corporate policy and state law (depending on location, possibly federal law too) not allowed to dispose of chemicals in the compactor. 😤😧


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## TheDailyLoader (Sep 11, 2018)

ETL-PD:
That one team member who's always borrowing a MyDevice or PDA, says they need but really doesnt, says theyll bring it back in 2 minutes but doesn't return it, (sometimes will borrow without your permission if left sitting on your vehicle and you're not looking) and if confronted will say they don't have it because they let someone else use it, in reality, it's in their pocket.


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## TheDailyLoader (Sep 11, 2018)

Fluttervale said:


> I set ours up myself so ours is decent.  Not great, because no cable ties, but not a hot mess either.


You could use zipties....


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## TheDailyLoader (Sep 11, 2018)

ETL-0:
Works at a shitty store. Tries to be a hero and improve said shitty store. Points out fatal flaws in operation standards and practices. Has many ideas and suggestions on how to fix said flaws, but to no avail. He goes unnoticed, just like the fire extinguisher that isn't secured right and could explode on impact if dropped, he is viewed by the overlords as scum and as such is punished with low hours and high reshop.


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## TheDailyLoader (Sep 11, 2018)

Last but not least:
ETL TM-ETL:
The new guy who's been here for precisely two weeks. That's right two weeks. He has that charming douche bag attitude combined with the right amount of Know-It-All camaderie. Said to be rolling out just short of the fourth quarter of 2018, this guy thinks he's the boss and refuses to provide any work-critical assistance and if you are a dude will always respond to you with "yes mam" followed by a few bad jokes we haven't heard since elementary  (possible middle) school. It is said this guy is setting out to be the most popular guy in school. And it shows. Better watch out, He is superior to you, even if you are an stl. 😂


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## Amanda Cantwell (Sep 11, 2018)

TheDailyLoader said:


> Here where I'm at it's more "softliiines, you had reshop at guest seeeerviiiiis" every 10 fucking minutes


The only thing I’ll say about this is GS will get yelled at my store if we have a full cart and DONT call


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## TheDailyLoader (Sep 12, 2018)

NeoDarikona said:


> Break TM - Sole purpose is to cover breaks for single or multiple departments depending on store volume. Minimally trained in every department to at least not be a danger to guests or cause damage.


This one is real, I speak from experience, and it sucks balls harder than a dyson.


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## INFSlave (Sep 13, 2018)

TL-CC (consumer cellular)

Spends all day trying to show technologically impared septuagenarians how to use their galaxy j7s. Then arguing with them that the AARP discount only applies to the service cost and not the cost of the phone.

I want this to be a position so bad. I'd like to help other guests every once in a while


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## starmaster1000 (Oct 13, 2018)

ETL-Yes Desk or ETL-Money Furnace

They'll be responsible for accepting every single return possible, no matter how ludicrous, and if POS won't allow it, just go to the cash office and start passing out $20s to everyone standing in line. 


Credit to @can't touch this


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## oath2order (Oct 14, 2018)

Modernatization Specialist: That's right, the specialist position is back


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## PackAndCry (Oct 14, 2018)

ETL-Freezer, backstocks in the freezer since nobody else wants to do it.


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## YoNanas (Oct 14, 2018)

can't touch this said:


> ETL-Globetrotter
> 
> Travels all around the world to scope out the most exotic vacation spots, and has 150,000 pics on their Instagram taken in places that cost half of a team member’s annual salary in airfare alone
> 
> ...fuck that one is real too. ETL-GE is in Straya at this very moment taking selfies next to Ayers Rock. Cheers, ya cunt!


That sounds like my old STL taking nonstop vacations and hardly being in the store.


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## can't touch this (Oct 14, 2018)

AARSlave said:


> TL-CC (consumer cellular)
> 
> Spends all day trying to show technologically impared septuagenarians how to use their galaxy j7s. Then arguing with them that the AARP discount only applies to the service cost and not the cost of the phone.
> 
> I want this to be a position so bad. I'd like to help other guests every once in a while



lol imagine if the ConfusedBoomer Cellular TL were a thing, they'd have to push attachments like cruise packages, Viagra coupons and Grateful Dead merchandise 

🤮🤮🤮🤮

and also they'd be cross merchandising with As Seen On TV shit


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## YoNanas (Oct 14, 2018)

I would love the trash collector position, let the shift be 4am to 12:30pm.


qmosqueen said:


> Trash collector— goes around the store and gathers up the cups and trash left on the shelves.  this is a 2 person 40 hours a week position.


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## YoNanas (Oct 14, 2018)

TheDailyLoader said:


> That's multiple violations 😂 against both corporate policy and state law (depending on location, possibly federal law too) not allowed to dispose of chemicals in the compactor. 😤😧


Given low hours, that person doesn't give a shit what they toss in there. They try to get the job done in the hours given. No f given about corporate policy or state law. LOL.


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## Tessa120 (Oct 14, 2018)

can't touch this said:


> lol imagine if the ConfusedBoomer Cellular TL were a thing, they'd have to push attachments like cruise packages, Viagra coupons and Grateful Dead merchandise
> 
> 🤮🤮🤮🤮
> 
> and also they'd be cross merchandising with As Seen On TV shit


You forgot Metamucil attachments.


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## YoNanas (Oct 14, 2018)

Tessa120 said:


> You forgot Metamucil attachments.


And also Depend attachments


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## Black Sheep 214 (Oct 14, 2018)

YoNanas said:


> And also Depend attachments


Don’t forget Ensure.😂


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## YoNanas (Oct 14, 2018)

ETL-TSC. They just sit there all day pretending they are working on the computer. Then they go to the breakroom to chat with ETL-Breakroom who requisitions some PopTarts from the vending machine.


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## YoNanas (Oct 14, 2018)

ETL-Lobby. Just greeting guests and yelling at the cart attendant.


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## seasonaldude (Oct 14, 2018)

HR-TM-Hiring Event. Stand in the front by the table looking forlorn and hoping somebody is interested.

GS-Gift Card. Have 20/20 vision so you can read off Gift Card access codes because no one over 30 who has spent a lot of time looking at phone/tablet/computer screens can read that tiny print.


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## GoodyNN (Oct 14, 2018)

seasonaldude said:


> HR-TM-Hiring Event. Stand in the front by the table looking forlorn and hoping somebody is interested.



They actually had me doing this yesterday.....


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## seasonaldude (Oct 14, 2018)

GoodyNN said:


> They actually had me doing this yesterday.....



I'm so sorry. That would suck. My post was actually inspired by a TM who was tasked with that at my store. I don't like her. She's lazy as fuck. But, damn, I felt sorry for her.


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## Burlseveryday (Oct 15, 2018)

starmaster1000 said:


> ETL-Carts
> 
> Someone fucking get some carts in here. Who scheduled the cart attendant to come in on a Saturday at NOON?
> Stupid ETL-Carts



Back in my GSA days I had my own mail slot for some reason. Right before I quit doing that terrible job I took the store lablemaker and replaced "Guest Service Attendant" with "ETL-Cart Experience"
Those were the days.


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## garbage (Oct 15, 2018)

NKG said:


> Store 1040 is an actual store located in Vista, CA. If you go back and look how the jokes originated it was based off a TBR poster that claimed this store was full of osha violations. While we do occasionally make jokes about it let's remember that it's an actual store with actual TMS.


And here I was thinking the joke as 10-40 as in police code for lunch time lmao


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## starmaster1000 (Oct 17, 2018)

GSA-EBFE – guest service attendant, everywhere but front end

They are GSA but are doing nothing GSA-related and mostly odd jobs, focusing their attention on everything other than the registers and Guest Service Desk.


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## sigma7 (Oct 17, 2018)

Fixture room clerk: Responsible for organization and receipt of fixtures. No one else is allowed in. They tell you what they need or give you a bill of materials and you get it for them.


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## commiecorvus (Oct 17, 2018)

sigma7 said:


> Fixture room clerk: Responsible for organization and receipt of fixtures. No one else is allowed in. They tell you what they need or give you a bill of materials and you get it for them.



A job that should come with a tip jar.


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## YoNanas (Oct 27, 2018)

ETL-Water Closet Management

You know, makes sure the restrooms are clean with needed supplies ready, since the thing still goes over the walkie at about half hour into the hour and since the BA position got eliminated


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## starmaster1000 (Nov 29, 2018)

At this time of year: Behind Guest Service Team Leader.

He/she will have the following reports:

OPUTM
SFSTM
DUTM


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## Far from newbie (Nov 29, 2018)

NeoDarikona said:


> Break TM - Sole purpose is to cover breaks for single or multiple departments depending on store volume. Minimally trained in every department to at least not be a danger to guests or cause damage.


THIS SERIOUSLE NEEDS TO BE CREATED !!!!   Great idea.


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## Far from newbie (Nov 29, 2018)

SigningLady said:


> Fixture Room ETL or TL: sits in the locked fixture room all day and hands out any and all needed fixtures to keep the room organized, clean, and safe. Also prints labels on the computer for team members so the printer does not jam or break and paper is not wasted.
> 
> Shipper TL: responsible for setting/placing ALL incoming shippers onto the sales floors as soon as they arrive. Eliminates empty shippers in a timely manner.


These two have been my Christmas and Birthday wishes  !
I really think these positions would increase productivity and moral.


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## Far from newbie (Nov 29, 2018)

Kartman said:


> BEETL - Break Enforcement ETL. They sit in the breakroom and time all TM's breaks.


I would contribute to their paycheck for doing that for me


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## Far from newbie (Nov 29, 2018)

TheDailyLoader said:


> ETL-PD:
> That one team member who's always borrowing a MyDevice or PDA, says they need but really doesnt, says theyll bring it back in 2 minutes but doesn't return it, (sometimes will borrow without your permission if left sitting on your vehicle and you're not looking) and if confronted will say they don't have it because they let someone else use it, in reality, it's in their pocket.


Oh, sorry, that could be me. But on the bright side, I have another title for my resume.  Thanks...again.


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## Far from newbie (Nov 29, 2018)

TheDailyLoader said:


> ETL-0:
> Works at a shitty store. Tries to be a hero and improve said shitty store. Points out fatal flaws in operation standards and practices. Has many ideas and suggestions on how to fix said flaws, but to no avail. He goes unnoticed, just like the fire extinguisher that isn't secured right and could explode on impact if dropped, he is viewed by the overlords as scum and as such is punished with low hours and high reshop.


Sigh.  The only ETL position i’m Qualified for.


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## Far from newbie (Nov 29, 2018)

TheDailyLoader said:


> Last but not least:
> ETL TM-ETL:
> The new guy who's been here for precisely two weeks. That's right two weeks. He has that charming douche bag attitude combined with the right amount of Know-It-All camaderie. Said to be rolling out just short of the fourth quarter of 2018, this guy thinks he's the boss and refuses to provide any work-critical assistance and if you are a dude will always respond to you with "yes mam" followed by a few bad jokes we haven't heard since elementary  (possible middle) school. It is said this guy is setting out to be the most popular guy in school. And it shows. Better watch out, He is superior to you, even if you are an stl. 😂


Every store must already have this one, but labeling as such makes them easier to avoid.


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## Far from newbie (Nov 29, 2018)

TheDailyLoader said:


> This one is real, I speak from experience, and it sucks balls harder than a dyson.


If you were a fully end to end trained tm, I actually think this position it would be easy.  Cover a cashier, go to guest service for 15, answer phones for 15, then 30 minutes covering a flex lunch.  Coverage is consistent for each workcenter and the day would go by quickly.  The only drawback for me: the 15 min. in electronics is simply repeating 45 times to guests “The electronics tm is on break, please do other shopping and come back in 5/10 minutes for assistance”.

Caveat - this eliminates the break room etl cause you would already know if the covered tm was gone longer than 15 minutes cause your coverage schedule would be thrown off.  
This would need to be a TL position so you could coach and document the extended breaks.


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## Far from newbie (Nov 29, 2018)

sigma7 said:


> Fixture room clerk: Responsible for organization and receipt of fixtures. No one else is allowed in. They tell you what they need or give you a bill of materials and you get it for them.


YES PLEASE.  Like at an auto repair at a car dealership, works for them.....


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## Far from newbie (Nov 29, 2018)

commiecorvus said:


> A job that should come with a tip jar.


I would give willingly.


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## Kartman (Nov 29, 2018)

Nine posts in a row?


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## GoodyNN (Nov 29, 2018)

Kartman said:


> Nine posts in a row?


Someone just doesn't know how to use +Quote, probably.


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## Far from newbie (Nov 29, 2018)

Oops. Sorry. Was pretty far behind and  kept reading good stuff.   Thought I was done, then...oh! Another good one !!!  Lots to say today I guess.


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## starmaster1000 (Nov 29, 2018)

I liked all the posts for notifications revenge.  JK


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## starmaster1000 (Nov 29, 2018)

GoodyNN said:


> Someone just doesn't know how to use +Quote, probably.



ETL-TBR: Totally underground position. Their office is only accessible through the utility panel in the handicap stall.


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## TheDailyLoader (Dec 4, 2018)

Far from newbie said:


> If you were a fully end to end trained tm, I actually think this position it would be easy.  Cover a cashier, go to guest service for 15, answer phones for 15, then 30 minutes covering a flex lunch.  Coverage is consistent for each workcenter and the day would go by quickly.  The only drawback for me: the 15 min. in electronics is simply repeating 45 times to guests “The electronics tm is on break, please do other shopping and come back in 5/10 minutes for assistance”.
> 
> Caveat - this eliminates the break room etl cause you would already know if the covered tm was gone longer than 15 minutes cause your coverage schedule would be thrown off.
> This would need to be a TL position so you could coach and document the extended breaks.


If only it were that easy, then you find out that your assigned area of work is behind by 3 weeks/12-15 truckloads and you get ripped because you're a break TM.


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## SnowWhiteOfAnA (Dec 5, 2018)

Tessa120 said:


> Hanger Fetcher TM - makes sure the fitting room is stocked with hangers but not so overstocked that 3 hangers fall when you grab 1 because they are so tightly crammed together, and makes sure that there's neither too much nor too little of each size.  During down time sorts out all the size tabs into individual labeled containers.
> 
> Mom TL - Pulls you aside for a warm brownie and a glass of milk when the crazy expectations and crazy guests push you close to your breaking point.  *EOE - The job is not gender specific; applicants of all genders and nongender will be equally considered for the position.





redeye58 said:


> We actually have one at our store


We have multiple Mom TL, and they're my favorites 😄

Edit: I sort the size tags when I have down time as operator/fitting room attendant 😂


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## SnowWhiteOfAnA (Dec 5, 2018)

Billybobjoe said:


> ETL-Hardass
> 
> This ETLs job is to motivate the team through fear and discipline. Constant put downs are a must. Strong vocal cords required.


Doesn't every store have at least one of these?


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## SnowWhiteOfAnA (Dec 5, 2018)

commiecorvus said:


> 'Please, sir, I want some more hours.'


^Me, at all times


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## Kartman (Dec 5, 2018)

Fuck that.


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## qmosqueen (Dec 5, 2018)




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## starmaster1000 (Mar 2, 2020)

ETL-New POS and at least 2 New POS Team Leaders

Desperately need someone getting paid top dollar to not know how to work this new piece of garbage, either.


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## StyleMaven1 (Mar 2, 2020)

ETL Panty Bin. Sets up velvet ropes around perfectly zoned panty bins, will take requests for size and style and deliver to guests who wait patiently in line. Any line jumpers will be tased.


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## Tessa120 (Mar 2, 2020)

StyleMaven1 said:


> ETL Panty Bin. Sets up velvet ropes around perfectly zoned panty bins, will take requests for size and style and deliver to guests who wait patiently in line. Any line jumpers will be tased.


And has MyCheckout, so they are bought and paid for before the grosser "guests" try and take them in the fitting room.


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## SigningLady (Mar 2, 2020)

ETL of Modernization: walks around continually asking, "Why aren't you finished with this yet!?!" to anyone and everyone.


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## Priceslasher (Mar 2, 2020)

Call button b**tch- I would obviously be the only one to hear it, and respond to clear it.


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## Priceslasher (Mar 2, 2020)

ETL-Walkie Response (ONE FOR EACH AREA)to play crickets chirping, say no to any assistance calls( it’s nice to at least get some response sometimes) and to keep calling for that tm you don’t even know isn’t scheduled to work..


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## StyleMaven1 (Mar 2, 2020)

ETL Fitting Room ...because Holy bejeezus. During the weekends it's like a whole separate workcenter to mind


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## happygoth (Mar 2, 2020)

I maintain that I could work at least 30 hours a week_ easy_ just sorting and pushing reshop and minding the fitting room. And that's at a 25M/year store. I can't imagine how daunting it is at a larger store!


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## Tessa120 (Mar 3, 2020)

StyleMaven1 said:


> ETL Fitting Room ...because Holy bejeezus. During the weekends it's like a whole separate workcenter to mind


There once was such a position....you are greatly missed FRO.


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## StyleMaven1 (Mar 3, 2020)

Oh I know! I'm a dinosaur  Back from the days of operators, overnight push, specialists and pog/pricing teams.


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## StyleMaven1 (Mar 3, 2020)

happygoth said:


> I maintain that I could work at least 30 hours a week_ easy_ just sorting and pushing reshop and minding the fitting room. And that's at a 25M/year store. I can't imagine how daunting it is at a larger store!


We're just at 42 this past year but we're a Super and our floorpads are absolutely huge. We had full FR coverage until Jan week 2 when we took that final step in modernization and started rotating people out. Our FR is SO busy on the weekends that we'll probably have to go back to it.


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## flow4areasonuno (Mar 3, 2020)

StyleMaven1 said:


> We're just at 42 this past year but we're a Super and our floorpads are absolutely huge. We had full FR coverage until Jan week 2 when we took that final step in modernization and started rotating people out. Our FR is SO busy on the weekends that we'll probably have to go back to it.



I still don't know who thought it was a good idea to have no FR person. That's a shoplifter's dream


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## Tarshitsucks (Mar 3, 2020)

Shooting the shit team leader a team leader you can talk to without retribution.


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## Sisyphus (Mar 4, 2020)

Electronic Communications Leader- Duties include and are limited to: taking pictures of incredibly OBVIOUS outs or zoning issues to be sent in an email blast. Taking more time to write complaining "dropped the ball" emails than it would take to just lend a hand and fix the problem. Must keep up with the "If I do it for them how will they ever learn?" attitude. Must be skilled at being oblivious to the 5 call outs and the fact it was a holiday when that single 4' section of the entire store didn't get zoned. Other preferred skills include: Mad "When I close the store never looks like this!" skills. Ability to ironically sit in the front for hours on end complaining that no one in the store works . Must be able to write lengthy unnecessary emails to everyone about your personal pet peeves and what will be done about them. Must be able to include a plethora of trite phrases like  "going forward", "expectations", "partner" and "team".


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## SigningLady (Mar 4, 2020)

Sisyphus said:


> Electronic Communications Leader- Duties include and are limited to: taking pictures of incredibly OBVIOUS outs or zoning issues to be sent in an email blast. Taking more time to write complaining "dropped the ball" emails than it would take to just lend a hand and fix the problem. Must keep up with the "If I do it for them how will they ever learn?" attitude. Must be skilled at being oblivious to the 5 call outs and the fact it was a holiday when that single 4' section of the entire store didn't get zoned. Other preferred skills include: Mad "When I close the store never looks like this!" skills. Ability to ironically sit in the front for hours on end complaining that no one in the store works . Must be able to write lengthy unnecessary emails to everyone about your personal pet peeves and what will be done about them. Must be able to include a plethora of trite phrases like  "going forward", "expectations", "partner" and "team".



Don't forget "we'll need to make a plan." Fucking hate hearing that tossed around. How 'bout we just solve it right here and now instead?!


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## happygoth (Mar 5, 2020)

"We'll need to make a plan".

In all cases, in all areas, the only plan that works is Put a Body Over There and Have Them Do the Job. And yes, that means you will have to pay them. It may also mean that something else suffers, in which case you will have to rinse and repeat.


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